Intellectual Edging
“So, you’ve been shipwrecked, and you wash ashore on a forbidden island.” He said, apropos of nothing. He was teasing her left nipple a little as he spoke. She loved that, distracting as it was. She lay naked in his arms in the bed, enjoying what he always called “Our between times.”
“Why was I on a ship?” She asked, puzzled.
“Doesn’t matter. It’s a riddle. Do you want to hear it, or not?”
Solemnly, she nodded, listening carefully.
“You wash ashore on an island. You know from your studies that the island is occupied by two tribes. One tribe is friendly and hospitable, and the other is made up of vicious, murderous, cannibals. You understand so far?”
She nodded again and said “I understand, Sir”.
“The friendly tribe is very honest. They always tell the truth. The cannibal tribe are all pathological liars. They can’t tell the truth even if they want to. Understand?”
She nodded. “They always lie.”
“That’s right. Now, finding a trail, you follow it to a fork in the road. Standing there, you see two men, who from their dress, you can tell are from different tribes. You don’t know which is which. You only have time for one question, to decide which way to go. You can address one or both of the men, but if you address them both, they’ll both answer at the same time. What’s your one question?”
She pondered that. “Why can I only ask one question?”
“You’re being chased by a tiger.”
“Oh, no!” She said, wide-eyed.
“Yes, I’m afraid a tiger is after you. Now, what’s your question?”
“Sir, I don’t *know!*”
“Well, take your time and think about it,” he said, smacking her on the ass. “I’m going to grab a shower.”
“May I wash your back, Sir?” She asked coyly, fluttering her eyelashes the way she knew he liked.
“Sure,” He said, chuckling, “you may join me in the shower when you can tell me the answer to the riddle.”
She lay back and stared at the ceiling, gnawing at the problem. She heard him get in the shower, pondered the problem, heard him get out and realized she’d been thinking about the riddle for twenty minutes. Her Sir came back into the bedroom and rooted through his suitcase, extracting a pair of boxer shorts and sliding them on.
“I give up,” she said. “What’s the question?”
“It’s fine if you want to give up,” he told her, “but I’m not telling you the answer.”
“But…” her face distressed “but that’s *mean!*”
Chuckling, he said “Look, Bitch, you knew I was a snake…” That was a reference to a story he liked, about an Indian maiden who picked up a frozen snake, rescued it, brought it inside, warmed it up, and when it bit her, she lay dying and said “Why have you done this?” And it said “Look, Bitch, you knew I was a snake…” He said it was their story, but she didn’t know why.
“May I Google it, Sir?” She asked.
“What would be the fun in that?! Of course not! Silly slut.” He shook his head, chuckling, as he donned his pants.
She worried at the problem for hours. When she served Sir his breakfast she asked if she could have some, and he said “When you answer the riddle.” She asked if she could go potty and he said “When you’ve answered the riddle.” She wanted to bang her head against the wall in frustration. Any question she asked, and she’d thought of a couple, that would tell who was who, would not also tell her which way to go.
“Sir, what are you doing to me?” She asked, a tear leaking from one eye.
“Call it ‘Intellectual Edging’” He said, looking smug.
Eventually, when she was crying and trying to dance with her legs crossed, he let her go to the bathroom, but he wouldn’t let her eat anything, or drink anything but water, or suck on her nicotine vape. Anytime she asked he’d say “What is your question?” and she’d want to wail in despair. Frantically, she clawed at the problem.
As she was serving Sir’s lunch she whispered “Which way will the other guy say leads to safety?”
He chuckled “That works. I’ll give it to you. Overcomplicated, but it solves the problem.”
“There’s a simpler answer, Sir?”
“Of course! How about ‘Which way to your tribe?’” He smiled at her and she felt so dumb, but also safe. She knew he didn’t need her to be clever, or brave, or strong. He could be those things for both of them, all she needed to be was obedient, and she could do that.
“Yes, Sir, thank you for explaining.” She said, as he pulled her into his lap. And all was right with the world.
