Okay, so first… free advice is almost always worth about what you pay for it. That out of the way, you are right to take your personal safety seriously, and to be concerned if someone seems fuzzy about where the lines are. I don’t know (obviously) the details of your dynamic with this woman, or how you got to where you are now, but certainly before meeting in person you should have an open negotiation, ideally in writing, about what you each are and are not okay with.
You mentioned RP and phone sex, do you ever have “out of character” conversations with this person? Where you’re just two people talking? Not saying you have to, but I’m personally uncomfortable meeting anyone IRL without knowing their real personality a little. My usual difficulty is more about reassuring playmates that I know where the lines are, that I’m not going to blur them, etc, but I’m never offended by them seeking reassurance of that, nor should anyone be, IMO.
Bear in mind that in the modern age there are other dangers besides something in your drink. Take a minute to imagine a woman with whom you’re having rough sex play getting pissed off and bringing the cops into your life, and the kind of hassle that could produce. Can you sort it out? Maybe. Without your family hearing details you’d prefer they didn’t? Probably not.
Ultimately, I think a kink relationship is like a vanilla one, only more so, in that it requires even more trust, on both sides. I would start by being honest with her about your concerns and working on getting to know each other as individuals. Don’t rush it. It can be scary, and rightfully so, to step out of character with someone, but going to see someone you don’t know at all in real life can be a bit like dipping your dick in a garbage disposal and hoping nobody flips the switch, ya know?
Hope it works out. The risks are real, but when you find one that really works out, it’s totally worth it. Cheers.
